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skip to content home about classes faq’s and contact me feedback from nvc class participants recipes letting the mental guard dog of sibling disputes off its chain 2018 july 31 7 comments by rachel turiel the thought comes to me like a thunderbolt, like a message from a burning bush; from someplace beyond my mind’s usual mundane chatter. col is in washington dc with his grandma. rose is inside reading harry potter. and i am plucking cabbage worms off brassica plants, contemplating how peaceful it’s been since the all-day meal special of sibling bickering has fallen off the menu. and then the thought that stills me is this: i am not responsible for my children’s relationship. col in congressman tipton’s dc office requesting that tipton join the bi-partisan climate solutions caucus, specifically because of pikas and skiing. of course i want my children to be best friends. in my fantasies the two of them are allies, bolstered by a two-lane flow of support, compassion, collaboration and cooperation. when the world is confusing and painful i want them, as fellow participants in the genetic and social experiment of our family, to turn to each other. though really, i’d settle for them just being able to squeeze onto the same couch without anyone throwing elbows. partially i long for this because it would bestow harmony upon our home, but also i’ve been shackled to a story about what’s good, right and best. siblings should protect each other! they should be confidantes! if dan and i model kindness, it should trickle down! (small clue: believing in what follows a “should” is the short path to suffering). and truthfully, when i am attached to one particular outcome, then i lose choice in how to respond because i become the proverbial hammer searching desperately for a nail, missing the truth of what is. sibling relationships are a wild and mysterious thing. something deep and old and unknowable is working itself out while it looks like col and rose are simply arguing over who gets the first shower after camping. my squirrely mind wants to control, fix and steer. it wants to wave my red flag when i hear col charging rose $3 to claim her own lost earrings that he found. but who am i to engineer their path? they get to snap the pieces of their relationship puzzle together. if the pieces don’t fit, they can rotate or reconfigure them, sand them down, trade them out. as a leader in this family i have the responsibility to model compassionate expression, to offer support, and to care for everyone’s needs without directing the outcome. it’s liberating to drop this task—the job of making sure my kids are friends—from the long list of what’s required to run a household. miramonte reservoir, a bit south of norwood, co. dan: “didn’t the rolling stones play here? oh wait, that was altamont.” col returns from dc and i try out this new stance, repeating it frequently to counteract the worn neural pathways of my mind that suggest we’re all doomed because col and rose aren’t magnetized to each other. and yet, strangely, they are. their elbow game on the couch is a source of breathless laughter. col wants to play soccer in the street, but only if his sister joins. somehow our house does seem more peaceful, but not because my wanting it made it so, it’s that my mind is more peaceful because there’s less wanting. the despair i’ve felt about the kids not relating as i’d wish leads me to try to control external circumstances, rather than learn to tolerate that which i can’t control. also, because i’ve let my mental guard dog of sibling disputes off its chain, i’m less likely to micro-analyze col and rose’s interactions, looking for who left fingerprints of guilt on the surface of their last conflict. this means i get to see them more clearly. miki kashtan, founder of bay area nonviolent communication suggests that we turn the channel from the “boring movie of our mind,” the one that predictably features the repetitive script of our fears and biases. “it’s much more interesting to see the reality of what’s actually going on,” kashtan says. the reality is this: col wins three consecutive games of chess then offers strategic advice to rose, which she declines. they jump on the neighbor’s trampoline. they return for snacks. rose makes col toast and suggests he say ‘thank you.’ he doesn’t show gratitude to her satisfaction. she sighs, sings a few bars from the musical grease and requests that col sing danny’s part while she takes sandy’s. i observe it all without commentary, without making evaluations on my friendship-o-meter, nor do i grasp to this moment, sweet as their giggly singing is. surely there is a sibling throw-down in their future. and just as likely there will be the inexplicable magic of a brother and sister crooning along to a 70s musical in a relationship of their making, the ending not yet written. what responsibility are you holding onto that you could release? follow related posts: the chasm setting the birds of your consciousness free conflict happens share this: facebook email pinterest from → peaceful parenting waiting and non-waiting 2018 july 10 14 comments by rachel turiel dearie dearest dear ones, i am trying not to spend this summer waiting, waiting for the morning smoke to clear, waiting for the evening temperature to drop, waiting for the monsoons to come and put the fire out. it’s come to my attention that when we’re waiting, we’re not exactly living. and speaking of living, wearing ice-cold wet socks to bed is the best personal air-conditioning unit i’ve discovered. i hope you never have to try this. this is smoke (not a cloud) over hesperus peak. my herald column on how the weathering the fire is like raising children. besides the oppressive smoke and above average temps, summer has been everything i loved about homeschooling (being with the kids!) without the inherent challenges (the obligation to actually teach them something). apparently we’ve neglected to sign our kids up for much in the way of summer activities so they’ve been finding their own way. col has been drawing wwii airplanes, and i do my best to see and appreciate his work without getting hung up on the images of planes shot down and consumed in a fireball of death. thanks greg and jo for the amazing colored pencils. col would like you all to know that his wwii airplane images are available for sale. (spitfire not pictured). he’s also open to ideas on how to market his images. rose has been channeling her inner retiree. i come home from teaching and she’s glued beads to yarn, yarn to jars, and jars to jars to make side by side q-tip and cotton ball dispensers. she’s used a pint of expensive, raw honey to concoct a honey-oat scrub, has added lemon balm to our ice cube trays, and melted every lip balm in the house together so all separate beeswax-based products can unify into a melting pot of diversity. i get a little anxious when i see her rummaging through the medicine cabinet with eager fingers, but keep telling myself that it’s cheaper than camp. when the kids leave the house, i become air traffic controller, keeping track of my little planes lifting off and landing around town, changing destination and passengers, making emergency landings at garage sales (where craft supplies are legion), and doing my trust-breathing exercises while they are off radar in the river. today, during our morning snuggle, in which col enters a hypnotic state of affectionate goodwill, he sighed and told me “daddy’s my number one role model,” and then quickly explained, “because he’s a boy. you’re number two.” the kids are not impressed with my ability to track their daily flight schedule, but are pretty certain that with just a bit of extra practice dan could join any world cup team should they need an extra player. recently rose assured us that once her three months of acute chiropractic care was over, daddy could probably study up and take over her maintenance care. cherry pitting and world cup. i am equa

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Whois Information

Whois is a protocol that is access to registering information. You can reach when the website was registered, when it will be expire, what is contact details of the site with the following informations. In a nutshell, it includes these informations;

Domain Name: 6512ANDGROWING.COM
Registry Domain ID: 1754786713_DOMAIN_COM-VRSN
Registrar WHOIS Server: whois.enom.com
Registrar URL: http://www.enom.com
Updated Date: 2017-10-11T17:00:35Z
Creation Date: 2012-10-25T18:43:39Z
Registry Expiry Date: 2018-10-25T18:43:39Z
Registrar: eNom, Inc.
Registrar IANA ID: 48
Registrar Abuse Contact Email:
Registrar Abuse Contact Phone:
Domain Status: clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited
Name Server: NS1.CANVASDREAMS.COM
Name Server: NS2.CANVASDREAMS.COM
Name Server: NS3.CANVASDREAMS.COM
Name Server: NS4.CANVASDREAMS.COM
DNSSEC: unsigned
URL of the ICANN Whois Inaccuracy Complaint Form: https://www.icann.org/wicf/
>>> Last update of whois database: 2018-08-16T22:44:23Z <<<

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registrar. Users may consult the sponsoring registrar's Whois database to
view the registrar's reported date of expiration for this registration.

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  REGISTRAR eNom, Inc.

SERVERS

  SERVER com.whois-servers.net

  ARGS domain =6512andgrowing.com

  PORT 43

  TYPE domain

DOMAIN

  NAME 6512andgrowing.com

  CHANGED 2017-10-11

  CREATED 2012-10-25

STATUS
clientTransferProhibited https://icann.org/epp#clientTransferProhibited

NSERVER

  NS1.CANVASDREAMS.COM 74.85.244.254

  NS2.CANVASDREAMS.COM 12.180.54.3

  NS3.CANVASDREAMS.COM 74.85.245.254

  NS4.CANVASDREAMS.COM 12.180.54.101

  REGISTERED yes

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